10 Signs of an Unhealth in Relationships


My first experience with a therapist

I grew up surrounded by people who thought to see a therapist was a sign you were crazy, weak, or just plain dumb. In looking back, this view of counseling was pretty standard for the times. Regardless, I scheduled my first counseling visit in my early twenties, despite the peer pressure to do otherwise. After college, in my first career in banking, I found myself depressed.  Contrary to the condition of my life – happily married, new job, great friends – I found myself sinking into a depression. To feel that way seemed crazy. No one understood, and neither did I. While I couldn’t put my finger on the root of the unhealth, I knew it was there. It was then I knew that the only chance I had of figuring out what was going on was to seek help. It was a decision I have never regretted.

Growth and counseling go hand-in-hand

In fact, with each new season of growth, I rediscover the value of sound counseling. While the awareness of mental health is on the rise, the benefits of counseling for personal growth are often still untapped. As can be seen even more clearly through social media, the signs of unhealth in relationships at home, at work and other areas of life are evident. Consider the value counseling could bring to your personal growth by tackling the signs of unhealth.

Ten signs it might be time to schedule that appointment

  1. Frequent display of negative emotions (anger, frustration, depressed, discouraged)
  2. Avoidance of communicating in conflict
  3. Inability to say No (people pleasing)
  4. Difficulty asking for help or delegating in a negative way
  5. Failure to offer constructive criticism in a positive way
  6. Unkind treatment of individuals (bullying, demanding, dominating, manipulating)
  7. Unhealthy competition. Frequently frustrated by others success. Often stuck focusing more on the actions of your competitors than the achievement of your goals.
  8. Isolating, ignoring, or inundating others in your life for fear they will appear better than you.
  9. Frequently make decisions based on personal emotions vs. factors like logic, common goals, etc.
  10. Imbalance. Lack of self-care and balance of family, friends, and fun.

Life is tough. Relationships are not easy. The benefits of processing the challenges of life with a counselor not only make us healthier people, but it also makes our relationships happier.

Grab your journal; it’s your turn to grow

Take a few moments and reflect on the signs of unhealth.

  1. Which signs from the above list are a regular occurrence in your life?
  2. How are those occurrences affecting your relationships, your work, your finances and the life you dream of creating?
  3. What is your health worth to you? Tally the costs and see how it compares to the cost of counseling. I’m confident you’ll find it worth the investment in yourself.

Note: My only piece of advice about counseling.  Counseling is like ice cream. Everyone has their favorite flavor.  If your first choice of a counselor doesn’t seem right, try again. You are worth the search for the right fit.

6 thoughts

  1. LOVED this !

    My last “manager” exhibited all 10 and earlier in my career I think I did too!

    So thankful for your coaching!! I’ve only been back in the “real” world for 7 days, but I can see a huge difference in

    the way I relate to and lead people.

    Have a great day! Hope to see you soon.

    ‘When Businesses Advance – Our Cities Advance!”

    Respectfully, Kimberly K Berger Advance One Day 330-931-6113

    Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2013 11:48:14 +0000 To: kk1berger@hotmail.com

  2. Oh so true! I think we have all had this manager at some point, or if you’re lucky, more than once. They had no trouble being people pleasers, just OTHER people. Thanks Karen!

  3. Thanks for sharing! Anytime you have a leader who is ‘failing’ the company will fail too, and sometimes it’s hard being alone at the top so to me a leader who looks like they have it all together but admits that they don’t always is humble and honest, and that marks the beginning qualities of a great leader.

    1. Thanks so much for your comment. I think you are so right. Seeing a humble and honest leader is the authenticity that I believe today’s followers demand. I appreciate your engaging in the conversation. Look forward to hearing from you more often.

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